Texting is Hard

Have you ever been texting someone and think that they mean one thing, when they really had a different intention entirely? It is so easy to misread someone’s perspective when all we have is words on a screen. On a phone call it can be easier to understand what someone means, but you still miss out on what their body language is showing. When we are in a conversation there are three types of communication that we perceive and analyze. These are Words, tone, and nonverbal communications. All three are important to understanding what a person wants to say, but in my experience body language will often be the most true. Someone can say something but not really mean it, and this can sometimes be evident in their tone, however, without those nonverbal signs it can be a lot harder to truly know if they mean what they say.

Communication is so important, especially in the family. This is a group of people who are bound together, and if they do not learn to communicate and cooperate with one another there can be very damaging results. As one who struggles at times to say what they really mean, I think I could use some of my own advice here. I hate to think of all the opportunities that I have lost due to shyness, lack of confidence, or poor communication skills.

While communication is certainly important, some methods of communication are much more effective and positive than others. I have learned about some of those recently. 

Disarming technique

The disarming technique is a way of listening that requires much humility. Even when you feel that the other person is wrong or unjustified, you look for the truth of what they are saying. When we strive to find what is right rather than who is right, arguments can be avoided and relationships strengthened.

Empathy

Empathy is something that many of us know what it is, but can be so difficult to put into practice. Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. It is not understanding like empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When you have empathy for someone you feel sorrow with them simply because you care for them, even if you do not understand their situation entirely.

Inquiry

President Nelson has said that the first step in medical diagnosis is to ask the patient where it hurts. Asking questions in the right way and at the right time will lead to understanding and often empathy. There is no way that we can truly know what someone else is thinking. I struggle with this a lot, because I like to know what is going to happen before it happens. This causes me to overthink things and worry about what will happen if I ask questions. That is not a good habit to have, believe me.

“I feel” statements

It is not only important to understand someone else’s point of view and feelings, but also to be understood. This can only happen when we share our feelings. This can be difficult and make us feel vulnerable, but is ultimately necessary in any relationship.

“Stroking” 

This last one has somewhat of a strange name, but is simply being sincere. Giving genuine compliments and thanks for what someone else does for you. For me it can feel awkward to give compliments, but I have seen that when I go out of my way to show appreciation for someone else in any way, my bond with them becomes tighter and happier.

As you may have noticed, most effective communication is done by listening well. We love to talk about ourselves a lot, but the more that we seek to understand others, the better we will be able to communicate and build relationships.